Author, autist, apostate. Trans man, queer, and proud. Thrives in an environment of G-rated villainy. // An elegant, but slightly disgruntled, person drinking tea. // Internet oddity + friendly neighbourhood vampire. // Professional of pain.
about the earl:
Hi! I’m earlgraytay. You can call me Malcolm, Mal, Earl, Gray– whatever. I’m a writer, a Twitch streamer, and a proud queer. He/him pronouns, please.
You can buy my queer fic on Amazon and Smashwords– want a hopeful queer retelling of Kafka’s Metamorphosis? How about a trans lady airship captain who hunts angels and fights restrictive Victorian gender roles, or a grumpy enby veterinarian who has to heal @historieofbeafts-style goat-unicorns?
You can follow my Twitch streams on twitch.tv/earlgraytay. This post will be updated as I figure out a good stream schedule, but RN I stream on Mondays and Fridays (though I’m not very consistent).
I write fanfic sometimes - I’m on AO3 as scribblingTiresias- but it’s mostly one-shots, with a few ambitious weird longfics that are never updated.
Tilda Swinton, as Orlando, reading in library in the 1992 film based on Virginia Woolf’s novel Orlando: A Biography.
Queen Elizabeth I, on her deathbed, promises an androgynous young nobleman named Orlando a large tract of land and a castle built on it along with a generous monetary gift which she will only bequeath to him if he consents to her command, “Do not fade. Do not wither. Do not grow old.”
As someone who’s very conscious of individual fundraising, between my job and my work with Radio Free Monday, I’m seeing an uptick lately in something that I want to talk about. But it’s sensitive, so I’m asking you all to read this in the spirit of help, and understand that any negative tone you take away from this is not my intention.
We live in communities: neighborhood, friends groups, workplaces, fandoms. Part of the point of community is that we help others in that community. But there’s an aversion to the idea of non-reciprocal aid, of accepting financial help that won’t be repaid. And on the one hand I understand; nobody wants to be perceived as a freeloader. But I don’t think we can move past the idea of transactive relationships, an ultimately capitalist idea of how we relate to others, until we stop stigmatizing it, even when we’re the beneficiaries of it.
I see a lot of “normally I would never ask for help” and “I hate to ask for money” and “I’d rather die than accept charity but” and I’m sure that’s true. But…you don’t need to say it.
If someone is inclined to give, it doesn’t matter. If someone isn’t inclined to give, it doesn’t help. Charitable giving on the individual level is not a sales situation. There is no magic combination of words that will induce someone to give if they weren’t going to. And the more we protest that normally we wouldn’t accept, the more we loudly imply that there is shame in asking, the longer it will take us to achieve a compassionate and supportive society.
And also, frankly, you’re making other people feel like shit for asking too. Which I know is not something anyone wants.
If you need to ask for money that sucks and I’m sorry. I’ve been there and it’s a real bind to be in. But I also know that in those situations energy is short, and this is one less thing to expend energy on – instead of protesting your aversion to asking, put that energy into doing one thing to make it easier for folks to give – make your payment app username a hyperlink or a QR code, or make a carrd with your giving options and link that.
Instead of “I would never ask for money normally” say “I know there are many kind people out there who will see this.” Instead of “I hate to make this post” say “You all understand how difficult life can get.” The nonprofit world has done a lot of studying of what makes people give, and positivity is a huge aspect of it. Opening with a negative, particularly a negative that people see constantly in other solicitations, is more likely to hurt your chances than to help.
Don’t follow a script that continues to debase and abuse you. Mainly because it’s not actually helping; there’s no upside to prostrating yourself before an imaginary combative donor. Talk to the people who are actually likely to give, who recognize themselves in your words when you talk about kindness and compassion and who don’t need you to shame yourself in order to be worthy of support. This is not to scold or shame anyone further, but to offer an alternative that is kinder to you and more helpful to the people who want to help.
Do yourselves and your fellow sufferers the kindness of dignity; lord knows you’ve had enough unkindness already.
listen i respect the fact that darth vader is really evil, in every way, almost all of the time. but i’m going to be real with you, i feel very bad for him because under that armor he has necrotic skin that is rotting and he is on chemicals outside of his knowledge or control, and his boss does not give him anesthetic for medical procedures that involve spinal surgery and he gets electrocuted regularly by that boss. i am very worried about him and i think the sepsis is killing what is left of his brain cells. that is my poor little wheeze wheeze, and i understand that he has killed a lot of jedi babies but i think his liver is about to explode from all the stress it is under. i care a lot about darth vader’s many lung infections and comparatively little for the jedi babies. i hope this helps.
The general shape of Vader’s life is “He did deserve severe punishment for what he did as a young adult, for many reasons, but honestly what happened to him is significantly worse than a death sentence, and it kept on going for over twenty years.”
